So I no longer have a gay daughter, I have a transgender son. This opens a whole new set of questions. Was he ever gay? What about his relationship with his wife? Is he now going to be rejected by his lesbian community?
I am still struggling with answers to these questions. I guess he was never gay. He was a guy attracted to girls. Does this mean he’s straight? I don’t think so. It’s a very grey area and hard for me to understand as a cissexual (a person whose gender identity lines up with their biological body). There really isn’t an answer to this question and I don’t think there is a need to create another label.
Jeremy was never a girlie girl. He pretty much refused to wear dresses once he was old enough to make those decisions. He never played with dolls. I just chalked it up to him being a tomboy. I always suspected he was gay. Finally, he came out to me as gay when he was in college. I accepted that willingly because it helped me to understand his “butchy” appearance. I realize that being a lesbian doesn’t mean you don’t appear like a girl. My daughter-in-law is very girlie and she’s gay. I just thought there were “boy” lesbians and “girl” lesbians. Does that make sense?
The only thing I knew about transgender people back then was drag queens. It honestly never occurred to me that Jeremy was a transgender male. Today’s world is a bit different. Kids are more free to speak out about who they are. My research is taking me to situations where very young children are stating their gender identity and their parents are taking heed. I feel bad I missed the boat on this one. Jeremy might have had an easier life up to this point if I had picked up on it. I can’t change the past, I can only move forward.
As my mind was processing this whole thing, I wondered about Jeremy’s relationship with his wife, Stephanie. How was she coping with this? She married a gay woman and now she’s married to a transgender man. This is not what she signed up for.
Let me tell you about Steph. She is one of the most caring, compassionate, loving people I have ever met. I was so happy when Jeremy found her. They have been married for almost 9 years now. I ask her how she is doing and I thank her for loving him. She says “He’s worth it”. She is still learning too but at least I know she is in for the long haul. She says Jeremy is happier than he has been in a long, long time. This makes me happy. I can’t really speak much more on their relationship because it is between them but at least I know Jeremy has a supportive spouse at home. Thank you Steph.
So now, what about Jeremy’s lesbian community? He is no longer a lesbian so my guess is he’s been kicked out of the club. So who is his community now? I’m pretty sure in our small town there isn’t a whole lot of transgender people. He is attending a weekly support group so at least I know there is something out there for him. There is always the LGBT community and hopefully that is enough support for him.
I am hoping that once the physical transition is done, his presentation to the world will be a non-issue. He will be a dude and everyone will see him as a dude. What is going on in is pants will be nobody’s business but his as it should be.